Experts in queueing theory — the ones who study things like brunch lines and road traffic efficiency — really need to perform a study on grocery store U-Scans. Unspoken queueing etiquette completely breaks down amongst people waiting for an open U-Scan. There are always multiple lanes. Sometimes, it’s understood that a single line feeds into access to the first-available U-Scan, and other times, this autonomous assembly of humans decides wordlessly that there are multiple lines, each for a separate lane.
That is not much of a problem, but it completely fries the logic boards of some people. I’ve seen people cut in line from the opposite line. I’ve seen someone behind me in line speed-walk past me to the U-Scan I was in line for. I used to offer a friendly laugh and a “hey, c’mon now!” when this happened. I don’t anymore, because they always feel guilty upon realizing what they did, and spend the next couple minutes marinating in shame as they bag their groceries. I don’t want that. Besides, we’re in this line to begin with because we don’t want or understand human contact in the first place. We are but a hungry siblinghood of only children."
I love the Breaking Madden series and Jon Bois’ writing in general, but I’m amazed at how something like this slips into the middle of a Breaking Madden and resonates with me, despite not being an only child.
The Tim Tebow CFL Chronicles comes to 43,735 words. It crashed the first browser I tried to use to read it. It includes a 630,000 seat SkyDome. I’m only on Chapter 2 and they’re 1,104 yards outside of the Dome. This story is ridiculous and I still have another 4 chapters to read. I highly recommend it.
- (From a Gchat transcript in March 2011)
- Me: Oh twitter, you're now the #1 place to hear about dead celebrities
- Jessica: I heard it on facebook!
- Me: I wanted to stand up on the bus and shout "hey everyone! Elizabeth Taylor passed away! Just wanted to let you know, so you didn't have to learn about it from Twitter!"